Have you taken a bitterness pill? Has it left you with a bitter taste in your mouth? Have you experienced any side effects from taking it? I have to raise my hand and be honest. I took the bitterness pill and it gave me side effects that were not disclosed on the bottle before me taking them. I struggled with bitterness for years after something that was concealed from me was revealed to me in December 2014. I was separated from my then-husband. He did not want to have me as his wife anymore and he decided for both of us that it was time to end our marriage. That decision opened up a door for bitterness to come in. This post is not to bash my now ex-husband. I have forgiven him. I now pray constantly for his salvation and when he does get saved. He will have his testimony that only he can tell. I am doing this root of bitterness series because I almost lost my life behind a root of bitterness. I pray that sharing my testimony will help someone else that may be experiencing a root of bitterness.
I hope that by sharing my story. It will also bring awareness of how deadly the root of bitterness can be. The first day of the Root of Bitterness audio series, the scripture was Deuteronomy 29:18 NKJV which says, “So that there may not be among you man or woman or family or tribe, whose heart turns away today from the Lord our God, to go and serve the gods of nations, and there may not be among you a root bearing bitterness or wormwood.” While I was dating and then after I married my then-husband. I turned away from God. I was not going to church nor was I reading my Bible. I was putting my boyfriend/husband before God. I had no clue that 9 years after meeting my husband that I was going to be humiliated in front of a bunch of people by the man who said he was going to love me until death do us part.
After that event in December 2014, my life changed drastically. I could not sleep. I kept replaying the whole day over and over again in my head. I did not want to eat anything. I just wanted to lay in the bed all day crying and feeling sorry for myself. I would not shower or clean my apartment. I did not want to be around anyone. As the days passed, I grew angry. From anger it became rage. From rage it became bitterness. I could not find it in my heart to forgive him. As the bitterness grew, a heaviness and darkness took over my mind.
The second day of the Root of Bitterness audio series scripture Hebrews 12:15 NKJV stated, “Looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled.” The root of bitterness caused damage in my life. I ended up failing a couple of my doctorate classes and I ended up having to pay for classes twice due to me being focused on what my husband was up to on the other side of town instead of doing my school work. So I was distracted. It delayed me from graduating the timeframe I had planned to graduate. I was constantly telling whoever would listen to me, how he hurt me and humiliated me. I began drinking excessively. When I was able to go out in public. I could not wait to go back home to drink and get in my bed to cry some more. My mind was fragmented, and I had no peace. I would cry out and moan in my bed because I could not express in words the tearing apart of my heart. I wanted my life to end. I wanted God to kill me in my bed because I could not take the pain. A pain I never experienced before in my entire life.
The third day of the Root of Bitterness audio series scripture was Isaiah 14:29 NKJV. It states, “Rejoice not thou, whole Philistia, because the rod of him that smote thee is broken: for out of the serpent’s root shall come forth a cockatrice, and his fruit shall be a fiery flying serpent.” Some months had passed, and the divorce had become final in June 2015. I was once again back to what I went through when I first found out my husband no longer wanted me as his wife. It was worse once the divorce was final. Not long after that, I had a visitation from Jesus, and He kept visiting me in my dreams talking to me (I will share more about that in a future post). I began to heal from the divorce. But I still had not been delivered and healed from the root of bitterness.
In February 2016, I became aware that his relationship was not going well. I was happy that finally, he was suffering. He was now being tormented. I was sharing with whoever I could, that he was getting what he deserved. By this time, I was back reading my Bible, but not going actively to church. I still had not repented for the sin of unforgiveness and had not been delivered from the root of bitterness, it still needed to be addressed. The more I was reading and studying my Bible. I began to get conviction from the Holy Spirit. The Bible says that we are to love our enemies. That we are not to rejoice when our neighbor falls. I was going back and forth with God reminding him about all the nights I was crying and moaning. While my ex-husband was not being punished. Then, I started to experience sickness in my body. Weird things kept happening to me. I was being tormented by unseen things. I was being attacked by demonic spirits in my dreams and I wanted to kill myself.
I had a friend that I was in the military with and we had reconnected. I was telling him about some of the things that I was experiencing that I could not understand. He told me about Derek Prince. He told me to watch his teachings/videos. So, I went on YouTube and started to watch the videos. That was when I began to learn about unclean spirits and what can happen to us when they are influencing our behaviors. On one of the videos I watched; He did a deliverance prayer. I repented for my sins and then, repeated after him the deliverance prayer. I began to feel the heaviness coming off of me. I also was taught how to fast because some things cannot go out without fasting and prayer (Matthew 17:21). There was still some fruit that was produced from the root of bitterness that I could not deliver myself from and God let a divine firing from a job, happen in 2017 that led me to a church that has a deliverance and healing ministry. Where I could get delivered from other unclean spirits that were hindering me from fully being able to forgive my ex-husband and begin to look at him the way that God looks at him. As a lost soul that God does not want to perish. God loves my ex-husband just as much as he loves me. He wants him saved and wants someone to stand in the gap praying for his salvation. I have taken on that responsibility.
Even though, I went through hell and back with what I experienced. I now understand that God allowed me to go through what I did because now I can help others experience breakthrough and healing from a root of bitterness as a Christian Spiritual Life Coach. I can coach and support someone from my own spiritual experiences. Tune in on Thursday and Friday to hear the rest of the audio series of the Root of Bitterness. Be blessed.
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