Let me be the first to confess. I’ve been guilty of not practicing my spiritual gifts. I recently, became selfish and did not want to use the spiritual gifts the Holy Spirit gifted me with due to some of the things I experienced while using them. I just wanted to focus on being a Christian Life Coach and no longer be part of a healing/deliverance ministry or a ministry at all. It just seemed to be such a heavy burden.

Just a few examples of some of the things that I experienced throughout the years and within the past couple months. I’ve received words of knowledge and when I shared those words of knowledge the receiver didn’t like what I shared. I was told that I had an anointing in teaching and the same person who told me that, got angry with me when I tried to warn them about the spiritual teaching, they were doing on Facebook was a mixture of God and their flesh and they needed to stop before something bad happened to them.

I would pray as an intercessor on behalf of someone else and would experience demons sitting on my bed, my covers being tugged, hands clawing me, being paralyzed in my sleep, or sexually assaulted in my dreams. A fear would come over me so badly that I had to turn on the lights and sleep with my lights on. I laid my hands on someone for healing and I ended up experiencing a spiritual counterattack and within two weeks I ended up breaking my own finger. The hands I was using to heal someone else, is the same hand I used in a manner that was not pleasing to God and I broke my finger behind it.

After, I began to consistently get shunned by people for using/practicing my spiritual gifts. I didn’t want to use them anymore even though I knew the spiritual gifts were to be used for God’s Kingdom.

Right before the COVID-19 pandemic, I was having more and more dreams. I even had a dream of a woman with a face mask on around December/January time frame and I didn’t understand what it meant. March 2020 to present day my spiritual gifts have been heightened/strengthened and I’m not even practicing them. One evening at a church service, I sensed something, and I wasn’t even trying to discern anything. I didn’t like what I was sensing.

I felt like I was experiencing Deja vu. I was going back and forth with God. I didn’t want to begin to experience those same issues I did before. I wanted peace. I just wanted to learn how to do deliverance and healing at my current church due to some of my dreams. In my dreams of doing healing and deliverance, I was not being attacked by demons. There were faces that turned to evil faces and then turned back to regular faces; but they were not harming me physically in the dreams. I also just wanted to usher and greet at my current church. Ushering and greeting would help me avoid certain situations I have experienced at other churches when I began to pick up on supernatural things that were not of God. I didn’t want to “see” or “feel” things anymore that vexed me, scared me, or made me uncomfortable.

The last few weeks, God has been dealing with me about not practicing my spiritual gifts. I kept telling God, I just want to stay in my lane, and I do not want to disrupt the flow. I do not want people to shun me due to the weird stuff that happens within me. I do not want to deal with the demonic counterattacks. I do not want to be up for three hours in the wee hours of the morning praying for everyone and the things that are happening in the world. I just want to have a peaceful life. Once, I finished sharing with God what I wanted. He dropped this in my spirit. “Get up and do what I told you to do. Go back to practicing your spiritual gifts. They are needed at such a time as this.”

My question for you, are you practicing your spiritual gifts?

“For if thou altogether holdest thy peace at this time, then shall there enlargement and deliverance arise to the Jews from another place; but thou and thy father’s house shall be destroyed: and who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” – Esther 4:14 KJV

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